


Just Say It

by tltw



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Awkward Changkyun, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 13:56:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13859154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tltw/pseuds/tltw
Summary: Before they were dating everything was fine. Now that they're together, everything feels like a challenge, especially saying those three ugly words.





	Just Say It

“Hyung?” Hyungwon lifted his head from his phone. “Hmm?”

“I…” He wasn’t looking at hyungwon, he kept his eyes away from him, but even avoiding eye contact it was hard for him to say. They’re both laying in bed on their phones together doing nothing in silence, leaning against each other, so it should be easy, but he still struggles.

“Mm. Nevermind.” Changkyun focuses back to on his phone, turning around on the other side of the bed.

“What is it, Kyunnie?” Changkyun can tell his eyes have returned back to his phone so he won’t be looking at him, but he tries not to blush to hard at the nickname Hyungwon has given him. He even has the power to make him like this when he’s not looking at him.

“Nothing.” He pouts. Hyungwon registers his tone, and wants to keep asking but seems like his heart rate is too low for him to put in anymore effort.

“Okaaaay…” He says in a cute sing songy voice. It’s cute; really cute, and Changkyun wonders why he hates acting cute so much when he’s so good at it naturally.

He’s not usually like this, mostly he’s serious or pulling a disgusted face, usually at Changkyun himself, but moments like this when he’s gentle and cute, in a personal setting are what he lives for.  His actions make it harder to not say it, but his fear keep his mouth shut.

He turns back a little bit, and stares at hyungwon. He looks sleepy, he almost always does, but Changkyun can tell he’s content where he is. It’s midday, and the sun is shining through their window brighter than Hyungwon usually likes. However Hyungwon stays by his side nonetheless. He’s grateful Hyungwon understands how he likes letting light in, But sort of feels like closing the blinds so he can sleep. Or maybe so once he falls asleep he could cringe at himself for not saying it in peace.

For now, he whispers it in his head, and locks the words away for another chance.

 

✧

 

Hyungwon offered to make dinner, which he could never be more happy about. Changkyun’s cooking is less than satisfactory, nothing the both of them would enjoy, but anything Hyungwon makes is good. He’s got a cute blue apron on, and is completely absorbed in his work. He doesn’t usually cook, and if he does, 80% of the time its ramen for Hoseok, but when he takes time to make a meal for the both of them, it’s the best thing Changkyun’s ever had. His cooking isn’t as good as kihyun’s cooking by any means, but it’s done right and takes like something a mother would make. His cooking feels like home.

He's sitting at the kitchen island, pretending to not be staring at him (failing) keeping his eyes locked on every movement hyungwon makes. He thinks it’s not obvious until Hyungwon calls him out.

“Why do you keep staring at me?” His voice breaks him out of his trance.

“Huh? Oh. Sorry. You just…” Changkyun fiddles with his fingers looking down like a guilty puppy.

“Hmm?” Hyungwon says loudly, egging Changkyun on.

“You look good like this.” Hyungwon scoffs a little at his compliment and goes back to his cooking. “You look good watching me.”

“Thank you-” he awkwardly coughs, not being able to tell if it was a fake cough or actual choking due to his comment. “I know I do.” He poses, knowing Hyungwon is gonna look back and yell at him.

He does turn back like he expects, but instead of yelling he takes a noodle out of the pot and flings it at him. He’s caught of guard, and in trying to dodge the bullet, he ends up getting it stuck in his hair.

Changkyun tries to look disappointed or mad at him, but just ends up laughing with him. “How could you?” Hyungwon keeps laughing and he gets back to his cooking.

He pulls the noodle off his head, and even though Hyungwon is turned around, somehow he’s still able to know exactly what changkyun is thinking. “Don’t eat that, it was in your hair.”

Changkyun lowers the noodle from his mouth. “But it’s a waste…” He dejectedly looks at the sad noodle.

“If you eat that i'm not kissing you goodnight tonight.”

“You don’t have to kiss me on the mouth…”

Hyungwon turns around and raises his spoon at Changkyun. “You-!”

He winces even though he knows Hyungwon wouldn’t hit him, but laughs while Hyungwon glares at him. His look doesn’t last long, with Hyungwon joining in Changkyun’s laughter, mostly as just a slight chuckle. He smiles at him putting his spoon down and returning to his cooking.

“You’re annoying.” His still chuckling to himself. it’s cute, and Changkyun is back to staring at him gushing internally and laughing externally alongside him. He waits for him to get fully focused on his cooking before he shoves the noodle into mouth while he’s not looking. Unfortunately, his boyfriend was born with a 6th sense.

“Did you just eat that noodle?” He turns around to see Changkyun chewing. It was too late.

“...No.” He says muffled.

Thankfully the spoon stays where it is and hyungwon just laughs at him and turns back around.

Changkyun goes back to staring at him, watching his simple movements, trying as hard as he can to commit the way he looks to memory. It always stuns him how beautiful he can look doing just the simplest things. He watches him; His heart is doing dances. He tries again.

“Hyung?” he calls out. Hyungwon is focused on his work but nods back to him. “Hmm?”

Changkyun sits there in silence, not able to squeeze it out once more. He tries, but inevitably gives up. “Nothing.”

“What is it?” He turns around, stopping his cooking completely to make eye contact with his boyfriend.

Hyungwon waits for a response, but only gets a, “It’s really nothing.” out of him. He doesn’t seem frustrated at his lack of explanation, more just concerned. He leans on the island and gets close to Changkyun. “You can tell me anything, you know.” His eyes are so soft and caring he feels like he could cry.

Changkyun smiles back at him, a somber smile, mostly just due to his own inability to speak properly.

“I know. Thank you, Hyungwon.” Changkyun takes advantage of how close he is and quickly plants a kiss on his cheek.

He doesn’t notice Hyungwon blushing at his move, but quickly runs to the to the counter to grab some of the finished food and sneak off with it while he’s distracted.

Hyungwon is watching him walk back into his room from the kitchen, but realizes what’s happened after it’s too late.

“Dinner will be done soon, get back here!”

 

✧

 

It’s their first date in two weeks, and Changkyun is determined to say it today.

It’s nothing particularly special, shopping around Seoul, lunch and most likely a movie after they finish. Classic, Simple, Easy. A perfect date for a guy like Hyungwon, and a perfect opportunity to say how he really feels.

Surprisingly, it’s only their third date since they started going out. With Hyungwon teaching two choreography classes outside of school and Changkyun working like hell on his mixtape, their time to be together outside of relaxing at one of their places when they’re not busy is pretty scarce.

The both of them are trapped with a millenial budget, but still enjoy shopping, even if it’s through the window.

Making down the shopping district in Seoul without completely ruining their ability to afford food for the week, Hyungwon buying a cheap necklace and a pullover, Changkyun buying a keychain plush and one of those squishy stress toys, as well as coffee for the both of them.

Around 1pm after admitting how hungry they both are multiple times, Hyungwon spots a restaurant with an outdoor patio a floor up. “Wanna eat here?” He points to the upper patio, which doesn't seem to be to busy even at this time.

“Kihyun and I had lunch hear like a year ago, they’re really good.” He explains, “It’s really cozy too, you’ll like it.”

Changkyun trusts his words, agreeing to stop there for lunch.

They regret their decision, soon realizing the outdoors upstairs patio is probably the only calm place in the whole restaurant. It’s bustling with multiple of people going in and out, yelling kids everywhere, and moms yelling at their yelling kids.

Hyungwon wasn’t the type to be super uncomfortable in situations like this, always being surrounded by a group of sweaty dancer or at the gym with Hoseok, but Changkyun wasn’t so lucky. The loud noise and harsh atmosphere startled him as soon as they walked in, and kept him getting more and more overwhelmed exponentially.

Changkyun isn’t mad at him for not noticing it, it’s hard to when there so much calamity going on at once. He begins walking forward like there no problem and Changkyun follows like a scared puppy, until they reach the menu. They both order their foods, Changkyun paying for it, while Hyungwon is tasked with the job of finding seats upstairs.

He’s trapped waiting in the pick-up order section alone with 10 other people waiting around him. His anxiety is high, but it isn’t getting any worse, so he’s grateful for that at least.

“926!” He jumps at his order number being shouted out. The whole process is awkward, reaching for the food and handing the slip to the staff at the same time, trying to grab straws while getting out of other people’s way, wishing he was eating at home rather than being trapped here and getting distracted while leaving the counter resulting in accidently bumping into someone.

If he could turn back time, he’s ask to switch jobs with Hyungwon.

He tries to focus as he makes his way through the crowd, trying to find the stairs to the upper deck.

He isn’t quite sure where it us, but just as he’s about to give up, he sees hyungwon coming from a staircase towards the back of the building.

He’s ecstatic seeing his boyfriend in this big mess, but that feeling goes away almost as soon as it comes.

It’s not like he could blame Hyungwon for his clumsiness, even if he was the reason he got distracted, and ended up tripping on his own feet and spilling their food all over the floor. He was able to stop himself from falling at least, and allows all their food to be ruined instead.

He stands there stuck in time staring at food on the ground, sighs, and looks up, waving to all the onlookers of his mistake. Doesn’t help he can see the staff behind the counter sigh at his mistake too. In order to protect his own mental health, he pretends he doesn’t see them.

Thankfully his knight in shining armor runs up to him and bends down to pick up some of the food. Changkyun quickly joins him, trying hard to fix the mess he’s created.

“Are you alright?” Hyungwon asks, sounding more soft and gentle than he usually does when Changkyun does stuff like this.

“I’m fine, I’m fine. I needed a little humility today.” Hyungwon laughs continuing to pick up the rest of the food off the floor. Absolutely none of it’s salvageable, so they throw it in the trash along with their money.

“Do you wanna go somewhere else? They’re really busy and you look stressed.”

“It’s fine, whatever you wanna do.” Hyungwon pauses hearing his tone of voice. Damn his inability to hide his mood.

“Let’s go reorder our food.” He puts his arm around Changkyun’s back and begins walking back to the counter. Changkyun keeps quiet and follows alongside him.

Hyungwon puts in the order for them again, with the same woman they did before, her looking very disappointed. Changkyun avoids eye contact the whole time.

He pulls out his wallet, only to be stopped by Hyungwon. “I’ve got it, Don’t worry” He gives Changkyun a smile that makes him feel like his heart has been ripped out.

“But-”

“It’s too late,” He hands his card to the cashier. “I’ve already given her my card.”

Changkyun sighs, only to be enveloped by a side hug from his boyfriend. Not a soft hug either, an annoying, too tight and awkward for comfort hug. The cashier looks on with curious eyes, but finishes her work quietly and hands hyungwon back his card as well as a new slip.

Hyungwon keeps his arm locked around Changkyun’s shoulder as they head to the pick up counter, and stays that way until their food arrives. Changkyun reaches for the tray only to be swatted at by Hyungwon.

“What are you doing?! We don’t wanna lose this platter too!” He picks up the tray giving him a joke angry look.

“What do you mean? If there was a slight draft in here you’d tumble over and drop everything!” Hyungwon laughs. “At least I’m not clumsy like you.”

“I want to push you.” He considers nudging him, but if the food is dropped again because of him, Hyungwon might seriously get mad. He decides that’s not the best plan.

Hyungwon leads them upstairs, and thankful the only vacant table left was still available after they got there.

It’s actually much more serene outside, despite it being packed even up here. But there’s plenty of flora and sunlight shining through it, plus there's no loud music like there is downstairs. Changkyun’s mood shifts almost instantly, but he’s not quite recovered from his most recent fiasco. Though food is a good healer, so he digs in with Hyungwon following behind.

Lunch is spent 90% eating and 10% talking, a lot less than how they usually spend their dinners, probably having something to do with them both being extremely hungry already as well as have to wait double the time for their order.

Once the senseless gobbling is up, as well as the lunch rush is over, the two sit together on a calm patio in summer sunlight. It's warm and soft and after being worn out from earlier, a nap right on the table sounds ideal.

He’s staring at Hyungwon, who’s going back and forth between looking at the sky and checking his phone. He’s captured by his beauty yet again. Only this time, it’s coupled with a cool feeling of protection washing over his heart. He wants to let Hyungwon know how much it means to him what he did today. It’s simple, anyone’s boyfriend would (or rather should) do it, but it means the world to Changkyun. He wants to make sure Hyungwon knows how he feels.

“Hyungwon?” It comes out quieter than he wants to, but he still pops up from looking at his phone.

“Yes?”

Shoot. He’s making eye contact with him, unlike the last two times.Changkyun can feel his own heart race, but he still has to try.

“I...you…” He trails off, looking down, and fumbling with his hands, hoping he’ll let him go, but unfortunately Hyungwon is a decent boyfriend who will actually listen to him and focus on him giving him the chance to say what he wants to say. Asshole.

“Nothing.” He gives up.

“Okay.” He says quickly, beginning to collect the trash from their meal and gather it together.

Even though that’s the response he should receive, somehow it still feel bad. He figures he’s tired of hearing Changkyun fumbling around his words. Why can’t he be blunt and straightforward like his boyfriend? Why is he so clumsy? And why was this so hard for him?!

 

✧

 

Changkyun is reminded again how he adores his boyfriend and how goddamn talented he is at the same time while attending his and his dance group’s performance at the performing arts festival they’re currently attending.

It’s a gorgeous performance, not just by hyungwon, but by Hyunwoo and Hoseok, as well as the rest of their group. Changkyun has a hard time controlling how taken aback he was by it. Even knowing him for years, Hyungwon’s aura while dancing is breathtaking.

After he and the rest of the group meet up with them after their performance, all he can say is “Uwah… You guys were so cool.” or “You looked so great.” Hyungwon had a lot to say about his and Jooheon’s performance earlier in the day, so he’s disappointed in himself for not being able to muster up more than that. To make up for it, he repeats it a lot.

The seven of them, including Minhyuk and Kihyun who also performed today, all go to dinner together at a barbeque place close to the festival. Jooheon and Minhyuk try to not get drunk, and fail, but the dinner goes by without spilling all there food in front of everybody, so Changkyun considers it a success.

Hoseok suggests karaoke, which most agreed to, except for Hyungwon who said he felt tired and wanted to go home. Of course no one believes his lie, making gagging noises and him Changkyun knowing the two of them would be heading home together.

“It’s not my fault you’re all single.” He says grabbing his bag.

“Oh, seriously?!” Minhyuk yells, accompanied by Jooheon’s boo-ing and Hoseok throwing leftover trash on the table at him.

“Why only me?! Why aren’t you mad at him too?” Changkyun braces for the storm of straw wrappers.

“Because Changkyun isn’t you!” Hoseok calls out. “You’re the worst!”

“Ah…” He pretends being hurt in order to make Hoseok feel bad, but fails. He could see through his gaze miles away.

“Hyungwon is sweet.” Changkyun tries to defend his boyfriend, regretting saying as soon as it comes out of his mouth.

“Oh, god.” Hoseok begins throwing the trash at him now. Jooheon and Minhyuk are gagging and Hyunwoo and Kihyun join in throwing trash at them.

Hyungwon chuckles and grabs Changkyun by the arm. “Byebye!” They hop out of the restaurant like giddy rabbits.

“Changkyun, call me tonight!” Jooheon calls out as they leave, attracting the attention of people in the surrounding tables. They didn’t have any specific plans tonight, but if things went well, drunk Jooheon would have to wait. He hopes Minhyuk can keep him company. He makes a point to apologize internally for leaving Jooheon.

The car ride to Hyungwon’s place is mostly quiet, with some gossip about the other members love lives (mostly on hyungwon’s part), and re-telling random stories from the festival.

Hyungwon does look slightly tired, probably derived from how active everyone was just at dinner. He’d be worn out by the time karaoke was done, with how they were. He would have loved to join them, even if he sucks at singing (the group would deny this), but for today, he figures it’s okay to back out. It also gives him a chance to finally say what he’s wanted to say.

Why saying something so simple was so difficult was beyond him. They’ve only been dating for 6 weeks so far and he hasn’t been able to say it. Before they were dating Changkyun would constantly say it too him, almost daily. But now things were different. They were dating and saying something simple like ‘I love you’ became a challenge. When he stated it before, there was no pressure. They were friends and it didn’t mean anything. Even though it shouldn’t be any different, Changkyun can’t help but feel a weight behind those three disgusting words. He was almost beginning to hate them, having so much trouble or just uttering them.

“You missed the turn.”

“Huh?” Changkyun refocuses. “Ah, shit.”

Hyungwon just laughs, he’s not sure if at him or the situation. “Sorry.”

“That’s okay. You thinking about something?” Even in the dark Changkyun can tell his eyes have become soft and and caring like he usually is when he’s listening. It’s one of his cutest features and he loves it, but feels pressured as hell when he can’t form his words properly.

“Oh, nothing.” Changkyun just _feels_ Hyungwon’s face shift from soft and caring to a disappointed “ _really?_ ” kind of look. This is the fourth time he’s blown him off and told him it was nothing, he’d definitely have to explain himself tonight.

“How much you wanna bet Jooheon and Minhyuk will go home together tonight?” He thanks the lord for Hyungwon’s inability to stay in his own lane.

“Hopefully they will so Jooheon’ll stop whining about it.” Hyungwon hopes in his seat hearing that.

“Oh, really?” Shit. now Changkyun was trapped into spilling his best friend’s secrets. Hyungwon won’t let it go until he has answers. Shit, shit shit. He hopes he can hold together until they get to Hyungwon’s place.

The rest of the ride until they get home is spent revealing too much about Jooheon’s love life, but they makes it back home with Hyungwon who’s energy level has completely spiked up getting excited over all the new dirt he’s got. Changkyun decides now’s a good a time as any to try and say it.

They’re barely into the door, Hyungwon now talking about Hyunwoo and Kihyun and how what they were doing at dinner was clearly flirting even if they say it wasn’t, before Changkyun Interrupts him.

“Hyung?”

“Hmm?”

He’s stuck again. He’s mustering all the strength he has but it’s not quite good enough. He’s not strong enough to say those three simple words. “Nevermind, sorry.”

Hyungwon reaches his breaking point. “Oh, my god!” Hyungwon grabs him by the shoulders as gently as he can, turns him to the side and puts his hand against the wall, pinning Changkyun under his frame.

“What? What do you wanna say to me?” He’s got a serious look, nothing scary, but Changkyun is left dumbstruck stuck underneath him.

“I- Uh…”

“Huh?!” Changkyun can’t move. He’s staring into Hyungwon’s eyes and can do nothing but stutter. “You wanna say something to me? You’ve been trying but everytime you back out. What is it? Do I have bad breath? You don’t like the way I chew my food? What?”

Changkyun’s brain finally catches up with his heart. “I Just wanted to say…” Hyungwon keeps his eyes locked on his, making it impossible for him to look away.

“I love you.”

He stares back at him with an intense gaze. He has no idea how to read the situation, or how He’s reacting to his words.

“That’s it?”

“Uh, yes.”

Hyungwon keeps staring back at him in silence, making it impossible to read his expression. Changkyun’s mind is racing 20 different ways and at the same time absolutely silent.

“Ugh!” Hyungwon pushes off the wall and walks away. “You had me worried! I thought something was wrong like you were sick, or I was doing something wrong.”

“Oh, no, you weren’t, I just…”

“Changkyun.”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

His temperature rises hearing those words come from him. Even though he was the one having trouble saying it, he hasn’t heard it from Hyungwon yet since they started dating, he’s sure. Maybe that was the reason it was so tough for him, but finally hearing those words gives him the same feeling he had in his stomach when they started dating. “I… love you too.”

“Why was that so hard to say? We say it all the time” He questions, putting Changkyun completely on the spot. It’s hard to formulate his words, on exactly why he found it so hard to say, but he figures he needs to say something at least in order to save his own ass.

“Because… because it’s different. It’s different saying now that we started dating. I didn’t want you to take it the wrong way.”

“Changkyun, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.” Hyungwon plants a squishy kiss on his cheek. “Does that sound weird?”

Changkyun shakes his head. “No.”

“Then say it.”

“I love you.”

Hyungwon plants a kiss on his other cheek. “Again.”

“I love you.”

Another kiss. “Again!”

“I love you.”

Kiss. “Again!”

“I love you!”

“I love you!” Hyungwon pushes his lips against Changkyun’s, an full non-romantic close kiss, and squeezes him into a big hug spinning him around. He spins him around a couple times, before stopping in the center of the room. He keeps holding onto him, embracing him as hard as he can.

They stand there for a few seconds, fully taking in each other in the silence.

“Mm… Hyungwon?” He moves back from their hug so he can face him directly.

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> i gagged writing the end of this. 
> 
> but anyways i dont think too much of this, i usually write longer more complex topics or not but this was way longer than it needed to be for this concept. really. anyways, this isnt my best but it was a good exercise! if you like lemme know.


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